Proof? The codpiece.
Is it armor? Perhaps.
Is it modest? Never.
Alternative theories on its origin abound. But all we care about is its place in the rock pantheon.
The following is from Wikipedia, so I can’t say it’s true, but it sounds right:
“As time passed, codpieces were shaped to emphasize the male genitalia and eventually often became padded and bizarrely shaped [see Blackie Lawless WASP]. They also often doubled as pockets, handy carrying places for a variety of items such as coins.”
Or in the case of Derek Smalls,
Spinal Tap’s bassist, it was a carrying place for a cucumber wrapped in foil. In case he got hungry of course.
Nonetheless, wearing a codpiece is directly relational to the danger of a particular genre. That genre being rock!
Famous codpieces
Ian Anderson Jethro Tull
His maniacal flute playing could get so intense, he had to protect himself from freak impalements. (They also weirdly won the ’87 Grammy for Metal, beating Metallica that year. WTF. You bet Ian Anderson wore a codpiece whenever he left his house after that.)
Gene Simmons Kiss
All the stage blood, and fire breathing endangered certain areas.
Larry Blackmon Cameo
Word up! Yeah, anyone who’s dancing around
and singing "Word Up" in a robotic voice better have his balls encased in armor.
Blackie Lawless WASP
Sweet Jesus. The cover of their single was what grabbed Al Gore’s wife, Tipper, between the legs and brought on the now dumbest way taxpayers have ever spent their money, the PMRC or Parents Music Resource Center. I love how everyone forgets how lame the Gore’s were/are. She was actually no better than Jesse Helms. Both hate art and freedom of expression in my book. So yeah, Blackie tossed a circular saw blade on his codpiece
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in case Tipper got too touchy feely. Tipper what are you pondering? How to get into Blackie's pants?
Tipper, Lawless at heart.
King Diamond
If you went around with face paint towing the line between Gene Simmons and Darkthrone your life would be at risk too. And a king w/o his gnads would just be a mime.
Dick Valentine Electric Six
I read somewhere this guy wore a codpiece on stage. Couldn’t find any evidence. I don’t even know who this guy is. But this pic was definitely taken minutes before he made the decision to sport a nut shell.
Tom Jones The Joe Namath of music
Of course he wore a codpiece. Hips and hula hoops have been dangerous to men for centuries.
Izzy Sparks Guitar Hero (II)
An entirely new generation is being exposed to the codpiece by Izzy’s main costume which features a skull-shaped codpiece!
William Murderface
If you could murder someone with your face, then of course you’d purchase a DIAMOND-ENCRUSTED CODPIECE, REINFORCED BY TITANIUM AND ALLOY, SHAPED LIKE A HORN. And if you’re ever in an episode of Metalapocalypse titled "Murdering Outside the Box," then an assassin sent by the Tribunal would trip and fall face first into said (above) codpiece, skewering self.
And that musicologists is the codpiece...piece*.
Lita Ford wore one,
but purely for fashion, so she has stated in a press release via her manager. (Or is Lita Ford really a man? A three headed man.)
*As of this date there are no appendixes or future pieces planned on the codpiece.
